I was out on the terrace when this struck me. Looking at the sky, the only thing that bothered me was that I could barely see any stars. It is not a particularly cloudy night, au contraire, it is rather clear, but all I can see is a handful of stars scattered across the sky. I don’t know why, or how, but that bothers me. The lack of star that is.
To be honest, this sounded fancier in my head when I thought of the title to the post, when I looked at the dark sky. Now as I struggle to write this very line, I feel stupid. But I guess that’s what makes this post this post. I recently watched a movie, which ended with two characters talking against a beautiful scenic backdrop. One of them turns to the other and says that they must seize the moment, and the other almost immediately replies, that it is the moment that seizes them, and not the other way around. That’s exactly how I feel right now. Seized.
The past few months have been turbulent. Due to a lot of factors, especially mine. But one thing about today is that I no longer see the stars in the sky. That worries me. The stars will guide you home, they said when I cried. How am I supposed to let them guide me, when I can’t see them? Is blindly, wildly groping in the dark the solution? I don’t know. There is so much we don’t know, doesn’t it bother anyone? How doesn’t it?
I pretty much need to stabilise myself right now, and in the absence of my guide(s), is when I ironically find the answer to my conundrum. Maybe we need to be our own stars, our own guides, our own stabiliser. Maybe it’s time we let go of what the past was, and build on the present.
Somehow, I always felt that we as humans, always behave in contradictions. Why do these contradictions arise? I guess we are not equipped to let our mind and our heart function in tandem. They simply can’t. In the race to decide who wins, both of them lose, while contradiction wins. So what do we do? Embrace the contradiction.
Yes, it is okay to be someone who likes to read, and not read at the same time. Yes, it is okay to ruin your life, and hate yourself for it. Yes, it is okay to look up at the sky and want more stars, and at the same time, lie on the cold, dirty floor and look up at the sky to revel in the beauty of those couple of stars out there. Yes, it is okay. Yes, Yes, Yes, it actually is okay!
I know this piece doesn’t make sense, and I guess it is best kept that way. Sometimes an abrupt end is the only end we get. But until we know it is the end, I don’t want to stop searching for a better end. Let’s get knocked down, let’s make mistakes, but more than anything, let’s go somewhere where we can see the stars.